the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
