sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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