My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
