unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
