i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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