So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
