you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
