woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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