Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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