I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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