no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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