your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
