i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize