So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize