I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
