I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
