No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
