I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
