She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
