I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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