My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's the barista slut.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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