Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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