Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
