I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
