Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
