Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
