would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
