I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
