i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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