my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
