Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
try to milk me bitch
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
