Who wears a wallet chain?!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
