just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
