i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
