Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
