i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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