he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
