i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize