I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
