dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
