A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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