Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
