Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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