I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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