it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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