so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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