my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
