shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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