just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just high enough for therapy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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