dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So much Jack, so little girl.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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