Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
