also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
