So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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