Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
