Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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