how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
