I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
