Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
