wat bout pragnant strippers??
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
