Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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