Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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