im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
