i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize