do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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