I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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