Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
